I need to write a script

I need to learn on how to write a script. The things that go on on the camp site where our park home is is unbelievable, it would write itself, I wouldn't even have to change so much, I've always said you could write a book on it, which is something else I may try and do instead, I know my English is crap, but that what editors are for aren't they?

I think it would be a cross between Gavin & Stacey and Benidorm with a bit of Elderado tossed in. Does anyone remember Elderado? I loved it. The thing is, you have people living there, people working there, holiday makers, people not talking to certain people, gossip, seriously the thing would write itself.

It's all kicking off this morning on Facebook on the camp site page. And we are not even there at the moment!

I better get started then.

Another holiday coming up 

Started to get things organised, Kev has slightly been driving me mad as he’s in charge of decorating the pub for the moulin rouge party, and there is only so many times you can say “that’s nice” to the same thing. But he’s doing an amazing job, will take photos, 

Do people expect photos on here, as in a blog site? Does it make it more interesting or does it take the blog away so to speak. Views and opinions are welcomed or just tell me to bugger off. 

So, we have quite a bit to take over, Kev had a budget of £200 for decorations, and we came in at £198. So not bad going really. 

Got 2 friends that are interested in buying a mobile home on our site, been invited out to dinner to our friend Kim who has recently taken early retirement from the police force, so she bought a motorcycle and a motor home van thingy to explore Europe and was thinking of a base over there, I’m so jealous, wish I could do something like that, 

Anyway, best go and sort my shit out. 

The Nags Head

Some of you may know that the TV series “only fools and horses” the pub was called the Nags Head, it is also the name of the on site bar at the site in France, yes I know, sounds so French doesn’t it?? 

The owner who is french but lives in Florida, loved the TV show, so that’s why she called it that. I think it’s awful, this is one of the things I hate about the site, it’s a little England, I don’t like the UK anyway, so to go on holiday to France and stay at mini England is the worst thing for me. But it was cheap, 

The thing is, it’s treated like an English bar, they do snacks there, burger and chips, hot dog, steak, Cornish Pastries, you know typical French fair. Seriously there is not one item of french food on there, not even a crossiant for breakfast, not even a flaming baggette. 

They can’t serve spirits as it would of cost them an extra few grand on top of their license, so it’s wine, beer and cider. 

As the owners are from Cornwall, hence the Cornish pastries, they been doing Cornish real ale and beer. I don’t drink beer, maybe the odd half a larger ifthe weather is nice, and then only one as it’s too gassy and I can’t burp. (Tis true, I am unable to burp) 

I did have chicken and chips there once, it’s one of my favourite meals, normally you get a quarter or a half a chicken, I got a drumstick! And because everything is deep fried, basically it was a chicken bone with chips. My friend ordered steak once, the peas came 40 minutes later as they forgot, my friend never had peas for pudding before. 

They have certain nights there, bingo, quiz night, music, no karaoke as they think it’s common, butvto be honest, I don’t tend to go there anymore, the drink is shit, white wine doesn’t agree with me anyway, so never drink that, i can’t drink the rose or red as it literally taste crap. It’s a shame as it’s so handy. I wish they would do a Moule’s frites night or paella night. It’s cheap and easy to do. But it’s too foreign for them I think. 

I’m going to see what it’s like in July, as it should be up to maximum capacity then, so hopefully it may have some life there. If it doesn’t, I think they should pull the plug and let it die, or just get new managers in. 

There’s drama on the site! 

So we had about 3 months before we were back in France, the camp site had a Facebook page which we joined, normal stuff, info about the site, buying and selling, does anyone want anything and people moaning, the whole camp site has a community feel about it, the residents look after the place, keep an eye on things, we had given Pete and Joan our keys and they were going to keep an eye out for us, I would say about 30% of the site is residents and the rest own a holiday home there, 

It’s all very good, and gives you piece of mind, every so often we get updates saying van is ok, weather good/bad etc, and we have been emailing Joan a few times too, 

Certain posts on Facebook were quite funny, things like please keep the noise down it’s 10.30pm and then someone replying to him to get a life, they are certain cliques there, which I go into later, but honestly you could write a book on the place, it does remind me so much of the TV show “Benidorm” 

Anyway, I was sat at home, going through Facebook and it was quite late at night, and had a notification on the sites page, someone put on there, is there anyone still up on the site, I need urgent help, 

So me being me, got comfy, and waited for the comments, few message were posted saying what’s up? I’m still there, etc etc and the most annoying Facebook saying ever “I PM you”. I emailed Joan straight away saying what’s up? She replied I’m not sure I fill you in when I know, then we heard nothing else, 

A few days later we got an email from Joan, saying she knew what happened but was unable to tell us anything about it as the police were involved, we thought that was great, just bought a place in France and now police are on the site, now it wasn’t until February that we got an answer, 

Some of the residents went to the on site bar for a few drinks, the mad french bar man, was completely pissed again and was handing out free drinks to everybody and smoking behind the bar, well apparently everyone left apart from one male resident, his story was the next thing he knew, he was face down in the bar, pants and trousers were around his ankles and the mad french man was trying to rape him, the resident manage to escape, call his friend in the uk, (hence the Facebook post) and the police wre called, arrested the French man, and now apparently he is now in prison. 

It’s quite open now, as in everyone knows about what happened, half the people we speak to believe the resident and the other half think he’s making it up, certain things don’t add up in my opinion, 1: the bar is like a greenhouse, it’s lit up, and all made of glass, everyone can see inside, 2: when we saw the French man drunk, he could hardly stand up, 3: we think the resident is a little bit gay, so I just don’t know what or who to believe, the resident said his drink was spiked, and he was given a date rape drunk, the mystery continues to this day, 

So in all, what the fuck have we just bought? It’s going to get interesting at our little holiday home. 

Buying a mobile home

So, back to France, we arrange with the Carol the rep from the UK company that sold mobile home abroad, Carol along with her hair, (I’m not sure if it was a hairdo or a statement of purpose) anyway, she showed us 7 vans on the site, we got to know each other quite well after I slagged of the first van, so she knew what we were like, she didn’t show us one as she said she knew we would hate it, one had just come on for sale, residential spec, shed, full decking and a bashe (which is like an awning) one owner, fully fitted including Nespresso machine, plasma TV and satalite dish, and double the amount we wanted to pay, we told her we would put 50% down cash now and the rest of 2 years, she was very septical, and said she would get back to us. 

The next day we were by the coast, just had a very nice lunch and was wandering around the old town when my phone went, it was Carol, all agreed apart from 2 years interest free, we had 18 months instead! 


We done so much that week, as we never been to the area before, so saw all the local towns, shops, what was available there and prices too, the beaches (all 150 miles of them) we knew there was a big gay scene in Nantes which is only about 40 miles away, and beaches to suit all, normal, gay, nude, gay nude, everything seems 20 minutes away, the towns, the beaches etc. 

While we were on the site we went to the on site bar a couple of times, but back then it was still ran by the French bloke, 

We could only stay on site for 7 days, the last night we decided to book into a spa hotel on the coast, so it was either to celebrate buying a home or ending a crap holiday, we made plans to return in October 2015 to sign the contracts and get the keys. 

Holiday Home

So we been going to France on holidays a couple of times a year for about 7 years, mainly to the Midi Pyrenees, and we always wanted to buy somewhere, In July 2015 my mum passed away with bone cancer, not going into too much detail here as it’s still a very sore subject, anyho, she left me a little bit of money, and we decided to have a look in Vendee France about a mobile home to buy, to us it was plan C, as we thought it be a good idea and wouldn’t lose too much money if it all went tits up, holiday homes on the site started at just under £3k and went up to £150k, everything on paper was great, but we had never been to the area before, so we booked a weeks Holiday there that including viewing the available homes for sale. 

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