A little Facebook arguement 

Went on and saw my friend had replied to a comment from the local conservative councillor, now my friend doesn’t give a flying fuck in what she’s says, she used to be a man, not that it means that’s the reason why she doesn’t give a shit, I just thought I would mention that’s she’s transgender, 

Anyho, it was about voting conservative and save the planet or something along the lines as the councillor had deleted all his comments so I couldn’t understand much of it, one of his comments was though that anyone that didn’t or won’t vote conservative in June is a snowflake. 

Now I hate that word people use for those who want something different in their country, I voted remain, and I will vote labour in June, I love the fact that we were able to work and live in any country in the EU, I love people from Europe and around the world, even though I’m not religious at all, I have respect for those that have a faith. Love the different cultures from around the world, and get angry when everyone is not treated the same, like the way they treat LGBT and different views to women, that’s what I like about the EU, we fought for our rights and got them. I want everything to be renewable energy. I want the world to be a happy place, I know that ain’t going to happen. I don’t want wars, I don’t think much about Donald Trump, I don’t like homophobia, xenophobia, and I hate all this make Britain great again, too late sweet cheeks, we already fucked it up, we not got an industry anymore as it all got sold abroad, and our banking/finance has been downgraded. And then I get accused of being anti British because I’m a “remoaner” cause I voted to stay in. 

So call me a snowflake then, you jumped into little prick who parades around the local area in Lycra cycling shorts and your and hair, take the daily mail, roll it up, and stuff it down your Lycra shorts cause you ain’t got a dick big enough to show. 

Thank you, needed to get that of my chest! 

The 28 hour car journey & cap d’agde

It must of been about 9 years ago now, but I done one of those Sun Newspaper holiday, cut out the coupons and sent of £48 for a 4 night holiday in Perignan, south of France near the Spanish boarder, we also got a discount on the cross channel ferry, this was to be Kev’s first time in the south of France. The accommodation was a tent, but fully furnished with electric etc, we just had to bring bedding and towels. 

About a week before we were due to go out car had issues, and we knew very well that it would not make the long journey. We didn’t want to cancel so we thought who we knew that could get time of and have a half decent car. 

Our friend Martin left work a few months before hand to look after his elderly parents full time, and he had an early model Toyota Prius. Which was his pride and joy, we sent him a message saying if he fancied a holiday, and we would pay for petrol if he took his car, Martin was well up for it. The accommodation was from a Monday to Friday morning, so Martin came over Sunday lunchtime, we had were taking the night ferry from Dover and aimed to drive through the night. We thought we would leave around 5pm ish and take an easy drive to Dover which was about 3 hours away, we then found out that Martin doesn’t like to drive above 64mph. We got to the ferry just in time, crossing was fine and we were in France about midnight, 

The motorways in France are great, and with a speed limit of 80mph. But no, Martin still drove at 64, Paris was a bit of a nightmare as you do need balls of steel to drive through Paris, but we done it, and slowley headed south, Kev was put on the insurance to give Martin a break, but he was fine and said he still drive for the time being. He did want to go over the Millau Viaduct, which had recently been built in the Midi Pyrenees. The highest in the world, which was great for us, just before you go over the bridge there is an information centre where we park up. Kev and Martin decided to walk up the hill a little bit to get a better view of the bridge, I stayed behind and plonked myself down on a bench looking at the town of Millau, little did I know then, but for the next 5 years this is where we were to spend our holidays. 

anyway, it was about 5pm now, and I said we should stop at a supermarket as the shop on site would probably be closed when we got there, and we didn’t have any food or drink etc. But Martin said he was fine to carry on driving, I know I did repeat this every half hour, at about 7.30 and still a way to go, I phoned the camp site to say we were running late and wouldn’t be there for the 8pm latest arrival time, they were great and said there would be someone there to help us, still no supermarket stop! We got to the the site about 9.30, checked in ok, I needed the loo, so went to find the toilet block, kev and Martin went to see if the onsite pizza place was still open. I went to pee, then promptly got lost, I was not in a good mood, lost, hungry, in pain from being in the car for 28 hours. I did manage to find our tent and had pizza. 

First thing Tuesday morning we went to the supermarket, came back to the tent, had lunch and went through what we wanted to do on the short holiday. Now Martin is an avid nudist, as soon as he gets in his house he strips off, any chance to be nude he is there, Kev will walk around home naked sometimes, and he prefers an all over tan, I was much reserve back then. Anyway, not far away was Cap d’agde. A nudist village, right in the beach, it has hotels, campsites, shops, restaurants, car wash, all naturist, it even had a petrol station at one point, for a nudist it is the number one place to go. And Martin wanted to go. 

So on Wednesday morning we set of to the Cap d’agde, didn’t take us too long to get there, normal person would of done it in about 40 minutes, so 2 hours later we got there, you had to buy a day pass from a little building before you were allowed in the village. I think it was about €8 each, then we were allowed through the gates, saw the first naked people walking, it did seem strange, I mean I been to a nudist beach before but this was like seeing someone naked walking down the high street. We worked the car, I stayed clothed, Kev stripped but had a sarong round his waist, and Martin went completely naked, well almost, he had a cock ring on. The first stop was a cafe, I ordered a double jack Daniels and coke. The others had a coffee, €32 was the bill! WTF!! I think I said yes too quickly wehen Martin ask if we wanted the same again. 

 Not everyone was naked, majority was though, after our drinks we went exploring, it was surreal, a naked supermarket, naked shops, the clothes shops were mainly for the kinky side, and mainly aimed for women, with very erotic clothing. Shops done we headed for the beach. 

Now, when we got to the beach it was empty, we walked a fair bit until I saw a tree log on the ground, so decided to make ourselves home there, I don’t like being in the full sun for that long, before long other people were setting up on the beach. I lady who I thought was selling ice creams came up with her trolley to us, at that point I had euros waiting for an iced lolly, however she wasn’t selling ice creams, only condoms, lube and poppers. We said we were fine and moved along. The next thing I knew the lady in front of us (about 10′ away) started giving her husband a blow job, then within seconds there was a group of men just staring with their dicks in their hands, when she saw them, she shooed them away, we later discovered we were on the swingers beach. Apparently there is a family beach, then couple beach, then swingers beach and right at the end there’s the gay beach. 

Kev and Martin were hungry, so went in search of food, lots of restaurants and clubs on site, however of you are a single male, you are not allowed in, gay or straight, gay couple or not, the majority of the places only allowed “straight” couples. We did find a snack bar which was under cover a small shopping centre. And ordered bagatte and frites. As soon as we sat down it started to rain heavily, Martin was still naked, Kev now had a hoody on, I was fully clothed because it went bloody freezing, but the food was great. I then saw walking toward me, a rather large naked lady, she had one of those see through plastic macs on, with a matching hood. “Fuck me it’s a human condom” it just came out of my mouth, didn’t check with my brain at all, and it was at the excact moment the whole place went quiet. 

Did another wander around, a lot of the shops were sex shops, and we ended up in the first bar we went to when we first went there, it was getting late, Sun was going down and no one was naked anymore, apart from Martin, and he got a quite a few looks because of it. The men were dressed normally, jeans, t-shirt etc etc, but the women dressed very very erotically, mesh/sheer clothing, one had a belt on, yes just a belt, and the whole place just seemed very seedy. In my opinion, the whole place is for swingers, not true nudist, and no way would I take young children there. Don’t get me wrong, I’m no prude, far from it, and I happy get naked now, but Cap d’agde is for straight couples only, and I’ve heard this from other people, and even the local people and the police want to shut it down, as when it was first opened it was for everyone, and very child friendly. 

I’m glad I’ve been there, and if I was in the area again, I would go back there to see if my first impressions was right or not. But I can tick it of a bucket list of 100 places to go before you die. 

On a sub note, we left Friday at 9am and got home Saturday at 6am, so much quicker on way home! 

Bored, 

Kev left this morning at 6.30, I left for work at 7am and been home about an hour and a half, had something to eat, hoovered, made the bed, and I’m bored out of my life, he’s just text me saying he just got there, he was stuck in rush hour traffic in Nantes. 

I’ve got almost another week of this, can’t find anything to watch on television, been to the fridge about 5 times even though I’m not hungry. What is wrong with me? 

Chav lad has really pissed me off, he keeps on putting up new profile photos of his hair cut, even though he’s not doing the style that Kev did, Kev cut it in a style, so he just looks like a right knobhead now, it’s a fucking mullet, it seriously looks like an ill fitting wig. But he said this way he looks younger, no you don’t, you still look like a 35 year old fat man trying to dress young in your chav clothes, I feel better now I said that. 

And why is it, when your other half goes away you fancy sex, why do you feel horny when your partners not here? Is it the missing bit? Knowing you can’t have sex? I’ve no idea, anyway, I’m going to look in the fridge again in case something has suddenly appeared. 

Anyone want to come to France? 

A few people know that the next holiday Kev is flying back a couple of days early and I’m staying out there and driving back, it’s only a couple of nights, but as I don’t need to be back to work till the Tuesday and Kev has to be back the Friday before I thought I may as well stay out there, 

Anyway, a gay friend of mine just really annoyed me, he said if I pay for his plane ticket to get over (if anyone does come out, they be driving back with me on the ferry) so he said pay for his ticket, food and drink, plus if I could get him enough cigarettes for his time over he said he will be happy to keep me company, well he can totally fuck off! Seriously what was he thinking. 

Don’t think I would mind so much if he was good looking or a bit of eye candy, or if he wore any decent clothes or didn’t wear any clothes. honestly there is nothing about him that is a turn on, he has no personality, no job and no money, he’s on some benefits, but not a lot, he is just completely unemployable, he goes to bed at 9pm every night and gets up at 3am then moans the rest of the day that he’s been up since 3 and he’s tired, tired! I give him tired, I’ve been tired since 1972!! 

He likes to think he’s a bit of a chav lad, dresses in tracksuit bottoms, t shirt, hoody, non matching socks and trainers, couple of gold chains, bracelets, never wears underwear (doesn’t need to, nothing to support) he calls himself a lad too, in reality he’s 35, overweight, bad haircut and a personality of a pig, why am I friends with him? personally I completely no idea, 

Me and Kev have an open house policy, anyone can come round, we don’t do much in the weekday evenings, come home, get changed, eat, bath then watch telly, mainly films or box sets, then we go to bed, so anyone is welcome, make yourself at home, get your own drink and while you in the kitchen make me a coffee or get another bottle of wine out of the fridge, we do like some notice, as Kev could be sitting there almost or completely naked, I more than likely to be in my dressing gown with the bear hood, but you find us how we are, no airs or graces. 

So Chav lad comes round, never makes himself or offer to make a coffee, plonks himself down on the sofa, leaves his trainers on (we don’t mind shoes in the house but if you staying and vegging out, make yourself comfortable) and I like mens feet, well some of them anyway. Either bare feet or socks, it’s quite nice to look at, and don’t get me started on trainer socks! They can send me wild on the right person, so he sits there, chain drinking coffee, and it’s bloody good coffee, it’s a Nespresso machine, he goes through about 8, I constantly hurting my toe cause his trainers get in the way, (it’s a corner sofa so if you in the corner can be difficult to get up sometimes) moans about his life, his husband, how tired he is, and he’s got no money, well get of your fat arse and do something then, the world doesn’t owe you anything, 

So, anyone fancy a little break in France? I treat you dinner. 😜


The spare bedroom in the van, see it’s quite posh! Got carpets and everything, 

There’s drama on the site! 

So we had about 3 months before we were back in France, the camp site had a Facebook page which we joined, normal stuff, info about the site, buying and selling, does anyone want anything and people moaning, the whole camp site has a community feel about it, the residents look after the place, keep an eye on things, we had given Pete and Joan our keys and they were going to keep an eye out for us, I would say about 30% of the site is residents and the rest own a holiday home there, 

It’s all very good, and gives you piece of mind, every so often we get updates saying van is ok, weather good/bad etc, and we have been emailing Joan a few times too, 

Certain posts on Facebook were quite funny, things like please keep the noise down it’s 10.30pm and then someone replying to him to get a life, they are certain cliques there, which I go into later, but honestly you could write a book on the place, it does remind me so much of the TV show “Benidorm” 

Anyway, I was sat at home, going through Facebook and it was quite late at night, and had a notification on the sites page, someone put on there, is there anyone still up on the site, I need urgent help, 

So me being me, got comfy, and waited for the comments, few message were posted saying what’s up? I’m still there, etc etc and the most annoying Facebook saying ever “I PM you”. I emailed Joan straight away saying what’s up? She replied I’m not sure I fill you in when I know, then we heard nothing else, 

A few days later we got an email from Joan, saying she knew what happened but was unable to tell us anything about it as the police were involved, we thought that was great, just bought a place in France and now police are on the site, now it wasn’t until February that we got an answer, 

Some of the residents went to the on site bar for a few drinks, the mad french bar man, was completely pissed again and was handing out free drinks to everybody and smoking behind the bar, well apparently everyone left apart from one male resident, his story was the next thing he knew, he was face down in the bar, pants and trousers were around his ankles and the mad french man was trying to rape him, the resident manage to escape, call his friend in the uk, (hence the Facebook post) and the police wre called, arrested the French man, and now apparently he is now in prison. 

It’s quite open now, as in everyone knows about what happened, half the people we speak to believe the resident and the other half think he’s making it up, certain things don’t add up in my opinion, 1: the bar is like a greenhouse, it’s lit up, and all made of glass, everyone can see inside, 2: when we saw the French man drunk, he could hardly stand up, 3: we think the resident is a little bit gay, so I just don’t know what or who to believe, the resident said his drink was spiked, and he was given a date rape drunk, the mystery continues to this day, 

So in all, what the fuck have we just bought? It’s going to get interesting at our little holiday home. 

Buying a mobile home

So, back to France, we arrange with the Carol the rep from the UK company that sold mobile home abroad, Carol along with her hair, (I’m not sure if it was a hairdo or a statement of purpose) anyway, she showed us 7 vans on the site, we got to know each other quite well after I slagged of the first van, so she knew what we were like, she didn’t show us one as she said she knew we would hate it, one had just come on for sale, residential spec, shed, full decking and a bashe (which is like an awning) one owner, fully fitted including Nespresso machine, plasma TV and satalite dish, and double the amount we wanted to pay, we told her we would put 50% down cash now and the rest of 2 years, she was very septical, and said she would get back to us. 

The next day we were by the coast, just had a very nice lunch and was wandering around the old town when my phone went, it was Carol, all agreed apart from 2 years interest free, we had 18 months instead! 


We done so much that week, as we never been to the area before, so saw all the local towns, shops, what was available there and prices too, the beaches (all 150 miles of them) we knew there was a big gay scene in Nantes which is only about 40 miles away, and beaches to suit all, normal, gay, nude, gay nude, everything seems 20 minutes away, the towns, the beaches etc. 

While we were on the site we went to the on site bar a couple of times, but back then it was still ran by the French bloke, 

We could only stay on site for 7 days, the last night we decided to book into a spa hotel on the coast, so it was either to celebrate buying a home or ending a crap holiday, we made plans to return in October 2015 to sign the contracts and get the keys. 

Fancy Dress

The pub in the village in France is owned by close friends of ours (a lot as happened since we bought the holiday home) they are the hub of the village, it does help that they are in the middle of the village too just underneath the chateau, 


It’s a proper French pub, even though the residents on the site use it, it is used by the locals too, bar snacks and entertaining nights, we have had plenty of locks in over there, and kev loves the karaoke, 

The first fancy dress party we went to tteee was New Year’s Eve 2016, we just went out to local shops to buy an of the peg outfit, kev was a roman and I was dressed in ladenhosen, all fabric, no leather! Plus it was -6 outside, 

On a drunken night there is and the owners decided to host a burlesque night in the summer, for women this is easy, tons of outfits available, for blokes it’s not so easy, you can go 2 ways, either the traditional brown trousers, white vest and braces, or trousers and a waistcoat, or you go the complete opposite and dress like a whore! 

Gone through various ideas, bought a load of crap from eBay and I think I have my outfit, white shirt red jacket, thigh high boots with heels, fishnets, suspenders and red shorts, think about a manly circus master meets a prositute and you get the idea, gay men like it, women like it, just need a straight bloke to tell me their opinion, so apply within, it’s funny, I wouldn’t dare to dress like that I’m the UK, but France I’m on with it, kev has bought a leather kilt, and will have braces, he’s still deciding on what tops though, 

Then there’s the Halloween fancy dress party they are having, I haven’t decided yet, but I did buy a superman morph suit from eBay the other day which fits me, but not kev, 

And while typing this, just got a what’s app from the owners to say when we are over there next they having a hawaian night! 

My live is so exciting!! 

Viewing the site

We went over in September 2015, the area seemed very nice, flat, but nice, been given the key code to the gate before hand and all we have to do was to meet Joan and Pete on site as they looked after the van we were staying in, got lost finding their van but Joan and Pete gave us a great welcome, residents on site for 4 years, moved from Manchester, very northern, salt of the earth types, 

The van we stayed in was for sale, above our budget but was very negotiable, great plot, but it needed work, everything was a shade of purple, toilet roll, air freshener, washing up liquid, everything fucking purple, still it was nice to stay in one to see what it be like having one, 

The site is classed as a holiday site, just mobile homes, no tents, no caravans, it had 2 pools, library, laundry room, and a bar, called the nags head, seriously we thought we were in the to show Benidorm, we had a drink in the bar, served by the first French man we saw, once he decided to serve us that was, it wasn’t busy, he was pissed, we sat outside and got to meet the residents, 

Apparently the whole site knew that a gay couple were coming over to view and maybe buy a van, everyone gave us their opinion on the site, the vans, the people, the bar intact everything, very nice people, but we were starting to hate the place, 

The next morning we went into the local village which was only a mile away, typically French, all built around a 15th century chateau, couple of restaurants and a pub, a proper French pub, we went over for a drink, as we got closer we noticed that everyone sat outside were from the site, and the owners of the pub were Welsh, 

I was thankful for Kev’s chronic indigestion, so we had to drive to a nearest town, Challans about 7 mile away, and fell in love with the town, it was proper France, proper cafes, market going on etc, it was great 

Rant: Why are gay friends the worse friends? 

A couple of weeks back kev agreed to dog sit for a work colleague of his, it’s only down the road but he had to sleep there, so he was back home at 5.30ish every night for a few hours, as with most people a couple of days by yourself is great, you can watch what you want on telly, run round the flat naked, that sort of thing, but for me any more days I get so totally bored out of my mind, and he was dog sitting for 2 weeks.

All friends knew what was happening and I only heard from one gay friend, as normal his texts were how are you etc then it was all about him and the problems and issues he’s got, but it was the same when kev headed of to France a few days before me in March. None of them got in contact, they only do get in contact when they want something or to bitch about their other halfs, I have female friends but sometimes you want male company, I don’t mean that in a sexual way, but to hang out with a mate, but “so called” 5 gay friends didn’t bother to do anything, get in contact, offer to go out etc. 

I work with a terrific bloke once, 100% straight, married with kids, but as he was so confident in his sexuality he had no problems with me, and vice versa, we used to hang out, saw each other naked, play fights, giving hugs even shared a bed occasionally, nothing happened, but you can’t have that with gay friends, so why are straight male friends better? Cause I really don’t know if I will ever get that again, and that makes me sad. 

Next week kev is heading to France before me again, I’m flying out and not sure yet but kev maybe flying back and I’m staying on for a few days by myself, so I’m going to see what happens, I’m the kind of person that will just drop people if they behave the same way over and over again, I don’t give many 2nd chances, 

When I was by myself in France for 4 days last year, our friends over there were bloody brilliant, in fact it’s the complete opposite, was invited out all the time, fed and watered,

I think deep down, women love the gays, they love to be a fag hag, and gay men love women, and every straight person probably think that all gay men are friends, when really, all a gay guy wants is a straight male friend, we maybe gay, but we are still blokes, and sometimes we need to do lad stuff, it’s not all Eurovision and face packs! 

I may have to put an advert out “straight white male needed to be a buddy” I need a bromance! 

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