I need to write a script

I need to learn on how to write a script. The things that go on on the camp site where our park home is is unbelievable, it would write itself, I wouldn't even have to change so much, I've always said you could write a book on it, which is something else I may try and do instead, I know my English is crap, but that what editors are for aren't they?

I think it would be a cross between Gavin & Stacey and Benidorm with a bit of Elderado tossed in. Does anyone remember Elderado? I loved it. The thing is, you have people living there, people working there, holiday makers, people not talking to certain people, gossip, seriously the thing would write itself.

It's all kicking off this morning on Facebook on the camp site page. And we are not even there at the moment!

I better get started then.

A holiday with Terry & June

About 7 years ago we went to France with our friend Shaun, cause Kev and I constantly talked about Millau in the midi Pyrenees he wanted to come along, plus he had just bought a new cabriolet and wanted to take it for a spin. We decided to book into a gay B&B half way down to break up the journey in Burgundy.

We knew it was a gay B&B and naturist friendly too and the owners were called Terry & Tony, and they said via email that we wouldn't miss their house, the sat nav said we had about 20 miles to go but still an hour away, it was all dirt tracks and we saw no life what's so ever until a little house with a veranda with 2 old people on rocking chairs, it was very deliverance. Finally we saw the gay pride flags.

It had started raining slightly but Terry and Tony were there stark bollock naked holding an umbrella, they greeted us warmly and said they will give us a tour of the garden once the rain had stopped. Their house was actually 3 cottages all joined. And apparently it was used in the french resistance. It was a cosy place. We were showed our rooms, Kev and I had a lovely double and Shaun had a little room in the eves of the roof, so we naturally called him Harry Potter from then on. We went downstairs for drinks while dinner was being cooked, it was typically french, cosy lounge, log burner, drinking red wine with our naked host, I would like to point out that Terry and Tony were both in their 70's. We renamed them Terry and June after the TV program. Dinner was lovely and we retired for the night, Shaun was a little worried in case he got raped in the night, but he was fine.

In the morning after a typical french breakfast of a full English fry up we were taken on a tour of the garden, first was the orchard with plastic fruit in the trees, via the overground swimming pool with real ducks in, pass the nudist beach with action men in various sexual positions to the highlight of Terry and June's garden their Japanese garden which consisted of a Buddha on a paving slab with a Japanese acer in a plant pot.

The sun was out, the roof was down and we said farewell to Terry and June and said we can't wait to visit again. And then Shaun put his foot down to drive to the south of France.

We did go back a couple of years later, and we may even go back again,

July’s holiday

Well I'm back to work, I sort of had a good time, but also had a bad time too, strange holiday, started of really well, went to the Puy-Du-Fou evening show, which was great but also quite upsetting, as it was the day before Mums death anniversary, and I know she would of loved it so much, so basically throughout the 2 hour show I was thinking about her. But the show was amazing, and what I didn't know was that it was the 1000th show, plus on Bastille day too!

It was great to meet up with friends over in France and the first 10 days the weather was fabulous, then our friend sharon joined us for the last week. Now in future, I'm never taking or inviting friends to stay, 2 nights maximum is what I can handle, I don't like entertaining, seriously I am crap at it, she was fine, there was no problems, easy going, but I felt I couldn't do what I want with friends staying, I like having my afternoon naps, and she's a veggie, so it didn't help with the food and places we could eat.

Kev organised a surprised party for me for my birthday, I hate surprise parties, always have done, it was nice that he done it though and it was a good night, but I hate being centre of attention, I want to hide in the corner, I'm not a big crowd of people type of person, then I wanted to change what I was wearing to the burlesque night, I felt uncomfortable in what I was wearing as a lot of people said they weren't dressing up, this didn't go down well, and to be honest the last 4 days of the holiday I felt that I couldn't do anything right what's so ever, I'm. It sure if it's that I'm another year older that I'm down in the dumps, but seriously not happy at the moment. Just feel as though I'm in the way all the time or being ignored.

Anyway, need to get back to work

Another holiday coming up 

Started to get things organised, Kev has slightly been driving me mad as he’s in charge of decorating the pub for the moulin rouge party, and there is only so many times you can say “that’s nice” to the same thing. But he’s doing an amazing job, will take photos, 

Do people expect photos on here, as in a blog site? Does it make it more interesting or does it take the blog away so to speak. Views and opinions are welcomed or just tell me to bugger off. 

So, we have quite a bit to take over, Kev had a budget of £200 for decorations, and we came in at £198. So not bad going really. 

Got 2 friends that are interested in buying a mobile home on our site, been invited out to dinner to our friend Kim who has recently taken early retirement from the police force, so she bought a motorcycle and a motor home van thingy to explore Europe and was thinking of a base over there, I’m so jealous, wish I could do something like that, 

Anyway, best go and sort my shit out. 

The Nags Head

Some of you may know that the TV series “only fools and horses” the pub was called the Nags Head, it is also the name of the on site bar at the site in France, yes I know, sounds so French doesn’t it?? 

The owner who is french but lives in Florida, loved the TV show, so that’s why she called it that. I think it’s awful, this is one of the things I hate about the site, it’s a little England, I don’t like the UK anyway, so to go on holiday to France and stay at mini England is the worst thing for me. But it was cheap, 

The thing is, it’s treated like an English bar, they do snacks there, burger and chips, hot dog, steak, Cornish Pastries, you know typical French fair. Seriously there is not one item of french food on there, not even a crossiant for breakfast, not even a flaming baggette. 

They can’t serve spirits as it would of cost them an extra few grand on top of their license, so it’s wine, beer and cider. 

As the owners are from Cornwall, hence the Cornish pastries, they been doing Cornish real ale and beer. I don’t drink beer, maybe the odd half a larger ifthe weather is nice, and then only one as it’s too gassy and I can’t burp. (Tis true, I am unable to burp) 

I did have chicken and chips there once, it’s one of my favourite meals, normally you get a quarter or a half a chicken, I got a drumstick! And because everything is deep fried, basically it was a chicken bone with chips. My friend ordered steak once, the peas came 40 minutes later as they forgot, my friend never had peas for pudding before. 

They have certain nights there, bingo, quiz night, music, no karaoke as they think it’s common, butvto be honest, I don’t tend to go there anymore, the drink is shit, white wine doesn’t agree with me anyway, so never drink that, i can’t drink the rose or red as it literally taste crap. It’s a shame as it’s so handy. I wish they would do a Moule’s frites night or paella night. It’s cheap and easy to do. But it’s too foreign for them I think. 

I’m going to see what it’s like in July, as it should be up to maximum capacity then, so hopefully it may have some life there. If it doesn’t, I think they should pull the plug and let it die, or just get new managers in. 

Driving to the south of France for a weekend

We had booked our holiday, 12 days in Millau, in the Midi Pyrenees, it’s the most beautiful place in the world in my opinion. We had booked a tent, a posh tent really, on a camp site, it has beds, cooker, the whole lot. And the camp site we had been to many times before. There wasn’t much on the site but location was perfect. So was really looking forward to the holiday. 

Must of been about 3 weeks before we were going when kevs deputy at work fell ill, and was signed of for 2 weeks, Kev was getting worried, it was only him and her in the office, so he started to think up plan b. I’m the end, she was signed of for 6 weeks, Kev had to cancel the holiday. His firm was very good, and refunded the whole lot. The ferries, the camp site plus extra for inconvenience. 

We had always talked about moving to France and I thought this was the perfect opportunity for me to do it alone, if we had somewhere there I would have to do it anyway. So I decided to go it alone. We had done the journey many times, so I knew what to expect, plus we had just got delivery of a libre-tag which enabled me to drive through the French toll booths without stopping, so much easier when you by yourself and he steering wheel on the wrong side. 

Set of for Dover, all good, and they managed to get me on the ferry that was just leaving so I was ahead of time. The most boring part of the journey is from Calais to Paris, cause you not quite half way there, you are waiting to get Paris over and done with and it’s just a boring route. Paris was easy, I drove about an extra hour and decideded to pull into one of the picnic areas for a rest, it was about 3am at this point, now try sleeping in a 2 door, 2 seater MG, eventually I must of passed out as I woke about 7am. The rest of the journey down south was great, so after 700 miles door to door I was at the site. 


Got there about 11am, had a kip, then went to the supermarket to get some bits in, it was strange not being with Kev, as I kept point things out to him and he wasn’t there, I think if I went somewhere we never been before it would of been ok, but in June all the flowers are out and it’s so pretty. 

The next day I went out a few places, all the places we had been before, but I was too shy to eat or drink anywhere, I just ate back at the tent, even got a McDonald’s takeaway to bring back. but I knew I wouldn’t last the 12 days, I was so bored. And I was also dreading the drive home,

Monday morning I woke about 7.30 and decided I was going home, I was ready for the journey, so I packed up the car, cleaned the tent, said goodbye to the owners who even gave me a refund on the stay, and set off, I text Kev saying I was coming home and keep him updated on the journey. 9 major roadworks to Paris! Paris then took 3 hours to get through, then 3 sets of road works from Paris to Calais. 

At Calais I managed to change my ticket for the next ferry, which was now 11pm. All fine. Then at Dover, I got stopped at customs. Where have you been? Well duh! Yeah France. She was a right cow, then she checked everything, I was here for an hour. 

It takes about 3.5 hours from Dover to home, not this time, it took 5. Roadworks! Then I was about 30 mins from home when there was a road closure. I lost it, I phoned Kev in the early hours, to ask him to pick me and the car up from lyndhurst, incomeletly lost he plot, I couldn’t turn around due to the road closures. He calmed me down and told me he direction to go. And I was home within 25 minutes, 

It took me about 3 days to recover from that journey, 1400 miles and about 2 days in the car for 2 full days in the south of France. I’m glad I done it, just to say don’t ever do it again. 

Packing for holiday 

My day of this week was changed to today, which was good really, as had to sort some stuff out for the holiday, even though I’m not going till next Wednesday, Kev is going tomorrow so taking my stuff with him, we getting quite lazy now with the packing, no suitcases, we just pack bag for life now, it’s go by from flat, to car to mobile home, so not worth doing anything else. 

So I be gone 12 nights, but im still here for another week, 2 massive bags packed, had to pick up toilet roll for France as well (cheaper over here) 

Took a visit to the farm shop this morning, friends over there wanted Cumberland sausages and pork pie, thought I do the nice ones for them, 

I can’t wait till I’m over in France though, couple of days by yourself is ok, but I do get bored, but I’m doing what I said though, all friends know that I’m home alone, so going to find out who’s there for me. It be interesting, but I’m not expecting much. 

Home from Home

So it’s been about 18 months now since we bought our little van, it’s not really a holiday anymore, it’s like another life in a different country, the first year we had the place we didn’t really go anywhere, just the local town for shopping but mainly staying on site. 

Due to the face that the bar was on site too, it was easy to get into a rut and just go there for the evenings, the bar did food, I would say snack stuff, or stuff that your mum made, if your mum was a very good cook and shopped in icelands. Everything was deep fried from frozen. Sometimes it was ok, other times not, and if you had a burger the rolls were sometimes quite hard due to not either being defrosted properly or just very crap rolls. The new managers are from Cornwall, so they started importing Cornish pastys. Frozen. And doing Cornish beer and cider. The drinking laws are funny in France, so the bar could only sell beer, cider and wine, you could have a spirit but only if you had it with your meal, this got boring for me, as sometimes the end of the night you fancy a spirit. I don’t drink beer or cider, the rose wine gave me ingestion and the red wine was down through a pump so it came out cold. 

The good bit about the bar was the social aspect of it, it was good to see the other residents (sounds like a care home) and just to people watch. So there was always someone to talk to. 

The new managers were not helping themselves at all, shutting at 11pm every night, clearing glasses and cleaning tables at 10.30 making you feel unwelcome, barring people from the bar. If they didn’t like you, you knew about it, they also banned kids from under 14 to enter the bar. 

The bar was next door to the winning pools, but they wouldn’t open the doors to that side, and didn’t do anything by the pool, to me if I had that place, I would make sure I would offer drinks etc to the people by the pool. They only really make their money in the summer months, 

Our neighbours in the site come down for about 4 months over the summer, and their family fly out at regular intervals. They used to spend about £250 a week at the bar, one evening their grandson who was riding his bike poked his head in the bar door to ask his grandparents to get him a drink, Linda the landlady, screamed at him to get out of her fucking bar, naturally grandparents weren’t happy with this and have not been in since, basically taking £4K with them. 

It’s strange talking to the neighbours, it’s not really a done thing in the UK anymore, people are very friendly, of course there are some you don’t like, or wind you up. But it’s strange, you go on holiday, get a text from someone saying can you come round and dye my hair for me Kev, or to take our friend to visit her husband in hospital, pick someone up from the airport, take someone shopping, 

I’m looking forward to this year, as won’t be going to the bar so much and apparently quite a lot has happened on there, so waiting to hear the gossip. 

Ferries booked, flights booked

Very strange, married couple and booked a ferry to France for Kev for Wednesday, flight for me for France the following Wednesday, flight to U.K. For Kev on a Thursday, and a ferry for me the following Monday, at least we have a week together in France, 

Managed to get some good deals as well, flights are from local airport which is so handy, just a short train journey and the train station is a 5 minute walk, still time for someone to join me in France if they want, doubt I would get any offers though, it’s fine though, I can handle a couple of days by myself, take my kindle to the beach, and the evenings I know Becky from the pub will pick me up, she’s very good, she does pick up and drop of taxi service free of charge from he site to the pub and back, business for her though. 

So opened up a bottle of wine, having my hair cut later, then bath and a bit of manscaping, 

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