Leaning life skills

Ok, I’m 45 years old. Born 1972, but you know what, I’m glad I was born when I was, because personally I think I had the best years, no mobile phones, no computers as such, and definitely no internet, we did go out more because we had to, there was no bloody choice. Childhood, I had a grifter bike, my best friend had a chopper which I always thought was an automatic bike due to the gear lever looking the same as my dad car, he then sold it and bought a bmx, my friend, not my dad, he was a typical Volvo driver and a bank manager.

Anyway, we used to ride everywhere, we had tons of parks around us, we also went swimming to the local pool, or go into the nearest town, or bus it into Sutton or Croydon. Going to London was easy too, just get a red rover ticket and spend the day on trains tubes and buses.

It felt safer back then as well, leaving school but still hanging onto certain school friends cause you didn’t know anyone else, I worked for a bank, started the job 2 days after my 16th birthday 1988, in northcote road, Clapham, took the train in until I could drive. Sometimes being touched up by the gay married confused commuters. You know those cheap little thrills

I thought I was a yuppie working London, I had a Filofax (empty) but still had one. I was earning great money for a 16 year old. And I was going out, I was a closet gay, and you had to find out the local gay hangouts to get any action or to meet people. I do a different blog on gay dating as I feel this may go on and on.

The local housing estate where some mates lived were constantly being film by the tv program the bill, only place where it didn’t look out of place and no one battered an eye lid.

But we used to hang out there, drinking, smoking, and when the first one to drive got a car, we went to pubs, and these were proper south London pubs, but I was never scared.

Chav boy is having an affair

So my friend the chav boy, (in his 30’s and still thinking he’s a twink) is having an affair, I found out when he asked if we could have his husband over for an evening, and if he could stay over too so he can spend the night with his new fella. I said no to him, he doesn’t think he’s doing anything wrong, as he wasn’t looking for it, however I did say to him if he was happy in his relationship he wouldn’t of gone on seeing this bloke, it gets difficult when he’s talking about him as he calls his new bloke and husband the same nick names. trouble and Bbe boi, I do correct his spelling and also have mentioned to him that he should come up with a new nick name. He also says he has come of Grindr, I know this is crap as I saved his profile as a favourite so I know he’s on line all the bloody time.

He’s still looking for a job, well he says he is anyway, but he also said there is nothing out there at the moment, and Kev offered him a cleaning job but he turned that down, saying he’s too busy, with what I have no idea, all he does is take his dog for a walk. If I think of anything else, I let people know.

1st Anniversary of a gay wedding

So our friend, the chav boy that did have a nice haircut but now ruined it got married last year. His other half wanted to get married in May, as it was 2 weeks after his mothers marriage and a month before his brothers wedding, and a week after joint friends wedding. nice timing twatface, 

Anyho, they got engaged on the Christmas Eve 2015, another highly original idea from them and exchanged rings a couple of months later when they got delivered from china, now this couple only one of them works, in retail, so not a great paying job, but at least he has a job, chav boy doesn’t work but has a rich dad, so rich dad said he would pay for the wedding as long as they do it within reason. 

Now you would think that 2 gay guys would be the best people ever to organise a wedding, well think again, they knew nothing, they are not the most outgoing couple anyway, so we said if they needed a hand let us know and we would help out. But they said they were fine. No issues. 

I have said in the past that’s there’s a lovely community building on the cliff overlooking Bournemouth beach and it be a great location for a party, so chav lad found out that they do weddings there, and it was booked for May 8th 2016. We had also said about a terrific festival theme wedding we went to where they had a fish and chip van turn up, so chav lad booked a fish and chip van, I did think about saying we were invited to a lovely wedding in New York at the plaza and it was all paid for including first class flights, but they ignored me on that one. 

That was sort of the last thing we heard until about 2 weeks before the wedding, when chav lad and geek lad popped round one evening, they asked if we could help out on a couple of bits, at this point I was kicking Kev mouthing a big NO to him, but it didn’t get through to him, so Kev said yes no worries what do you want us to do, not much said chav boy. Just decorations, music, drink, table seating, photography, entertainment, wedding cars, desserts, chocolate fountain, invitations, and the wedding toast drinks. 

After a very very long and boring evening, chav lad said he would do a few bits, so he arranged the photographer, bar, cake, entertainment and the wedding cars, now! They decided to arrive separately in Mercedes, no idea why, they didn’t need the cars as no one saw them turn up, the photographer charged £2800 for being there from 8am till 8pm to see the bride get ready, we did ask why and apparently it was the only deal he had, it’s not, cause we spoke to him a lot at the wedding. The bar charged a minimum of £800, 40 people were invited, it was a Sunday so half of them were either driving and had work the next day, in the end chav lad dad paid for a free bar. The entertainment was releasing a few doves after the service. The cake was free though, geek lad auntie makes them as a hobby.

Chav lads mum had started making and buying decorations so we said great, that’s not needed any more, but they said she’s only done a few bits, and don’t know what colours she was doing, so we had no idea what to work with, geek lad dad gave them £1000 to go towards the wedding as they were about to get married themselves they didn’t have time to help out, they gave us £100 for decorations including helium balloons, they split the rest and chav lad bought a 2nd hand van. 

God know how we done it, but we did. Chav lad wasn’t even going to buy a new suit, he wanted to wear trousers, shirt (untucked) and no tie, then he wanted to get changed into his trackies afterwards. 

So the day came and it was a warm day, perfect setting, Kev had gone there early to help set up, I went with a couple of joint friends who’s wedding was a week before hand. So we turned up, Kev he done a great job, chav lad and geek lad were no where in site, my photographer was a very good looking bloke, I kept on asking if he wanted a photo of himself, maybe with his shirt undone, he was a great bloke and we stayed with him as the rest of the wedding party were quite frankly fucking weird. 

All chairs were arranged outside facing the beach hut, due to laws the wedding had to be inside but we were allowed to sit outside. No one saw the same pensive Mercedes they ordered, but they were both wearing matching suits, in surprised they had enough material. 

No one heard a word from the service, we had to choose a song for them as they couldn’t decide in the end, well they said what’s the point? Then all chairs were moved inside, the doves were released, I was in hiding at that point as I have a fear of birds of they get near me. Bar ran out of drinks, so I only 2 mojitos, i wanted to get pissed. Fish and chip van was lovely, the desserts were lovely, the speeches were just like any old wedding speech, and then the DJ started. A few people danced, but to be honest, there was no room. Chav lad had gone home to put on his trackies and he was missing for about 2 hours. We knew they had to be out of the beach hut by 10pm, so we left at 9pm as we knew we be the ones helping to clear up and tidy up, and Kev had been there since 8am. 

Kev and I and our friends who had given me a lift went back home via McDonald’s, and we had a laugh, it was so exhausting, we were all knackered. The newly weds had a week of work, well one of them did as the other one didn’t work, didn’t go away or even stayed away on their wedding night, as they would of had to pay that themselves. And why pay to sleep somewhere when they could just go home. 

As a gay man I am ashamed of that wedding, it really doesn’t show us in a good light, and as for the happy married couple? They are still together, don’t talk, no sex, chav lad is seeing his chav ex on the side. I asked them the other day why they got married, and their answer was everyone else was getting married and we felt left out. 

We met no new friend on that day, we even delayed a holiday so we could go, but if Mr photographer man ever wants to take a few photos of me, I be happy to pose like one his French girls. 

Anyone want to come to France? 

A few people know that the next holiday Kev is flying back a couple of days early and I’m staying out there and driving back, it’s only a couple of nights, but as I don’t need to be back to work till the Tuesday and Kev has to be back the Friday before I thought I may as well stay out there, 

Anyway, a gay friend of mine just really annoyed me, he said if I pay for his plane ticket to get over (if anyone does come out, they be driving back with me on the ferry) so he said pay for his ticket, food and drink, plus if I could get him enough cigarettes for his time over he said he will be happy to keep me company, well he can totally fuck off! Seriously what was he thinking. 

Don’t think I would mind so much if he was good looking or a bit of eye candy, or if he wore any decent clothes or didn’t wear any clothes. honestly there is nothing about him that is a turn on, he has no personality, no job and no money, he’s on some benefits, but not a lot, he is just completely unemployable, he goes to bed at 9pm every night and gets up at 3am then moans the rest of the day that he’s been up since 3 and he’s tired, tired! I give him tired, I’ve been tired since 1972!! 

He likes to think he’s a bit of a chav lad, dresses in tracksuit bottoms, t shirt, hoody, non matching socks and trainers, couple of gold chains, bracelets, never wears underwear (doesn’t need to, nothing to support) he calls himself a lad too, in reality he’s 35, overweight, bad haircut and a personality of a pig, why am I friends with him? personally I completely no idea, 

Me and Kev have an open house policy, anyone can come round, we don’t do much in the weekday evenings, come home, get changed, eat, bath then watch telly, mainly films or box sets, then we go to bed, so anyone is welcome, make yourself at home, get your own drink and while you in the kitchen make me a coffee or get another bottle of wine out of the fridge, we do like some notice, as Kev could be sitting there almost or completely naked, I more than likely to be in my dressing gown with the bear hood, but you find us how we are, no airs or graces. 

So Chav lad comes round, never makes himself or offer to make a coffee, plonks himself down on the sofa, leaves his trainers on (we don’t mind shoes in the house but if you staying and vegging out, make yourself comfortable) and I like mens feet, well some of them anyway. Either bare feet or socks, it’s quite nice to look at, and don’t get me started on trainer socks! They can send me wild on the right person, so he sits there, chain drinking coffee, and it’s bloody good coffee, it’s a Nespresso machine, he goes through about 8, I constantly hurting my toe cause his trainers get in the way, (it’s a corner sofa so if you in the corner can be difficult to get up sometimes) moans about his life, his husband, how tired he is, and he’s got no money, well get of your fat arse and do something then, the world doesn’t owe you anything, 

So, anyone fancy a little break in France? I treat you dinner. 😜


The spare bedroom in the van, see it’s quite posh! Got carpets and everything, 

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